dark night of the soul

Sometimes People Leave…

Recently someone close to me walked out of my life. It was like an earthquake to my soul. It was brutal. And I didn’t see it coming. I hurt. Terribly. Woefully. In my bones. Suddenly, I was plunged back into the deep icy waters of grieving. Everything inside me screamed out “No!” and yet… I plunge and I sink. This place is familiar. I have been here before. I do not want to be here again. I would have done anything to avoid this. Anything. And yet, here I am. 

Glimpses of my Dark Night of the Soul begin to appear. Omg, No! Not that dark place. I won’t go there. I won’t allow myself to go there. My ego taunts me that I have brought this. That I opened the door to grief by wanting more. That I am not enough. That I am too much. That I am not worthy of love.

Like many of you, my life has had it’s share of trauma and sadness. So I have developed techniques to deal with the storms, the earthquakes, and the tsunamis. I am resilient. I will survive. But this week my smile no longer reaches my eyes. 

I had a much needed massage scheduled that day. Every joint has been hurting from six months of sleeping on hotel beds. Self-care is needed when you’re grieving. You would think that I would have kept the spa day appointment. But no. Self-care that day meant staying home. No need to be seen in a busy hotel lobby with a red nose and eyes swollen from crying. I needed to be home. Even if home was an AirBandB. 

And I needed to rely on the kindness of others. I attracted the sweetest and most benevolent people to me during this experience. The hostess at my AirBandB brought me wee slices of cheese and bread and tea so I didn’t need to leave my room, so I could curl up in a ball and feel the pain of it all. 

The next day her husband drove me to my new home. I burst into tears the moment my roommate welcomed me. She embraced me. Listened to me. Encouraged me. Babied me. Friends reached out and sent their love. Mentors held space for me. My children consoled me.

We aren’t meant to walk through these moments alone. Our tribe walks through them with us. They hold us close and love us as we move through the new reality. These are the moments when we realize who our tribe really is. 

Who is in your tribe? Have you surrounded yourself with trusted people who love you through life’s difficult moments as well as through the joyful ones? If not, find them. Send out a message to the Universe that you don’t want to walk alone. She will answer you. And they will come!

It’s two weeks later. It seems like two months. I’m feeling better. No more tears. Only trust. The Universe never steers me wrong. I can trust her. I will rest in this new place. And I will flourish. 

Today I’m at the spa. I rescheduled. I’m pampering myself. I explained to the management about my cancelling on such short notice last time. And she credited me my entire fee, for which I am eternally grateful.

I’m wrapped up all toasty in the softest robe I have ever had on my body. I’m in the relaxation room, in the near dark, sipping my tea. Later my massage therapist will come collect me and ease away all my aching joints and muscles and maybe even a little of my heartache too. 💔

Love & blessings,

Maeve XO

Maeve is an Intuitive Soul Coach and Transformational Retreat Leader who loves to empower men and women to step into their ultimate power. Intuitive soul coaching can help you gain clarity, connect with the divine, heal past hurts and move forward to live life as your highest self. Book your intuitive soul coaching session here: https://www.thesoulmaven.com/book-now

*This blog was originally published April 2019